At my sister's house

I am hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend today. Tacos for lunch! Rooting for my husband's favorite football team!
I love talking with my sister. I think it is so funny that we use to hate each other with a passion that can't fully be described. I am lucky to have her. I hope she is happy..I wonder if she is sometimes. I can't wait for her to finish school and be a nurse someday. She will be amazing!

Awake

I felt crappy all day today. I decided not to take my medication before I fell asleep for the night so I felt off all day. I wish I didn't take medication and I hope to soon no longer be taking it. I am scared though, I don't know what it will feel like to not be on some form of the medicine. I have been on something since I was 17 years old. 10 years of being medicated. I wonder if I am a different person when that drug is not in my system. Will I feel different? I have read so many terrible accounts of people trying to get off of this medicine.Some of them are really scary. Will I be able to get pregnant? Has this drug hurt me? Did I ever really need to start taking something? Can't go back now..right? I hope I can handle life well when I am not on drugs.

I hate school. Well I don't hate hate it, I am a teacher, but it feels to stressful for me to handle. My anxiety becomes intense at times and I allow myself to say terrible things. I am extremely aware of how I feel and I constantly complain . I have an amazing family that loves me more than I could ever explain. I recently married the love of my life. I constantly worry that I am not good enough in all aspects of my life. I am beautiful and know it, but I mentally abuse myself about my physical appearance. I am ashamed that I don't push myself harder in everything I do. I love my life but I act hateful toward far too many aspects. I know I am blessed with more in life than I could ever fully understand. I love my job, but I hate the politics. I wish people understood my desire to be the best teacher in my field of study. I hate being forced to study things that don't pertain to what I teach but I would gladly take classes that are related to what I teach. My mind won't focus on one thought. I feel as if there is a constant stream of thoughts, ideas and questions in my head. Sometimes I can't fall asleep because my brain won't turn off.

Well I have decided to start my very own blog. I am not going to tell anyone, other than my husband, that I am embarking on a journey into this wide world of blogging. I hope to use this as a personal look into my mind. I want to understand more about who I am and who I am becoming. I am 27 years old and feel as if the last few years have been amazingly complex and confusing as I enter into what if referred to as "Adulthood". It is as if I am in the midst of my quarter life crisis. This blog will serve as an outlet for my rants, raves, and random questions, ideas or thoughts . I am seeking a more positive way to express myself.

My background:

In 2006 I finally received my first degree, after 6 years of college. I then continued working toward my second degree and now I am working on my master's degree and plan to graduate in May.